Sometimes you just have to sound off.
This is the week our First Minister went walkabout in Govanhill, not a high heel in sight, all jeans and street cred, i-Phone poking out of back pocket (presumably, with minders in attendance, safe from the light fingers of any local neds). A constituent taxes her about the state of the local tenement back courts. An increasingly tense exchange. Visit me in my constituency office she says. Hah, he responds, that’s at the posh end, come and see the back closes with me. She declines. Later someone posts photos of said closes. Their state is disgusting. If only the Scottish Government had their hands on the levers of power. Who’s responsible for health, education, local authorities, housing …? Oh, hang on, next subject please.
Tunnocks tea cakes. Not just tea cakes, sodding ultrabritnat quisling traitor teacakes. They must be. Why else would the fruit loops and social inadequates of the self-styled Scottish Resistance demonstrate against them outside the Tunnocks factory? Tunnocks. A company that employs 500 people in an area that needs jobs and whose owner donated £250,000 to build a new lifeboat. Never mind. He once said the union (that’s with England et al, not the Confectioners, Bakers and Teacake Assemblers Union – pay attention at the back) was better for his business than separation. So take a hammer, yes seriously, a box of said confectionary, and smash the symbol of oppression into the pavement while bemused lunchtime workers look on. Another proud step on the road to a free Scotland.
Meanwhile at the other end of the nationalist intellectual spectrum journalist Kevin McKenna (Observer, today) gets all snide about those who pointed out the pathetic inadequacy of the SNP’s economic case for independence in their referendum white paper, ‘Scotland’s Future’ and in particular its over-optimism about the price of oil. Why, it’s almost as if we had a death wish for the oil industry. [Technical note: the implied accusation is a sub-division of ‘Talking down Scotland’] Don’t know where you stay Kev but I’ve lived in Aberdeen probably since you were in nappies. At least two of my near neighbours who work in the oil industry are unemployed, I can see such value as my house has falling, and no I do not wish death on the industry that sustains the North East and much of the Scottish economy. Thank God for Ian Wood, talking balanced sense about the future of oil and gas on BBC Radio 4 Today this week.
Ah yes, the BBC. The nationalist onslaught continues. This week it’s the professor mannie who did some flawed research on the BBC’s bias back in, oh several years ago (did I hear the phrase ‘peer reviewed’? No I didn’t think so). He came out in 2015. No, no, not like that. You can do all that in Scotland as much as you like these days (see ‘Mundell’ below). He came out as an SNP member. Quelle surprise. Anyhow he’s taken up the cudgels again (prompted by the party? … I wonder) and is winkling out more insidious bias against Scotland week by week to add to the storehouse of nationalist mythology about the British Biased Corp. I can save him a lot of trouble. Just use this, many others of all parties have found it helpful:
David Mundell. He did come out this week, as gay, not SNP. Good on him. And good on Nicola Sturgeon who tweeted unqualified congratulations. Not so good on notorious cybernat ‘Widster’ who was caught in mid-rant about Mundell – ‘I called for Mundell ‘s resignation without reading the article, turns out he was coming out, so I was getting s**t.’ All right to abuse him for being a Tory though.
While we’re on MPs another one, the SNP’s Brendan O’Hara, discovered an error on his parliamentary register of interests, an undeclared shareholding. He’s not the first and may not be the last. I can only presume new MPs are thrown in at the deep end and not given any advice on the subject. [Ed. – No]
Oh well, it’s all part of life’s rich pattern, as was Alex Salmond’s first LBC phone in on Wednesday. Pity he was bested (or was that beasted?) on his first call by Paul from St Alban’s, a few miles from London. Shame Eck was only an MP for 23 years until 2010 as he didn’t seem to have learnt how to pronounce the name of the place. A bit like me stopping off in Fife to visit the locals in Cur-call-dee. You’d wonder after all this time why I hadn’t learnt how to say it properly. BTW I’m thinking of posting a guide for English listeners to Salmond’s LBC performances for their future reference. Working title ‘Lies, obfuscations and other evasions.’
So that’s my week in nationalist Scotland, a place where supposedly respected political commentators circulate lists of suggested fellow citizens to block on Twitter because they’re ‘yoons’ who must not contaminate the faithful. Yet another week when I was told that I hate the SNP, that I’m Labour and that I support Rangers. None of them true of course, but hey ho that’s par for the course.
Stay positive. See you soon.